Thursday, October 9, 2008

TIGERS IN PUNE'S WOODS

‘You must be kidding!’ was my reaction when my husband, who is an avid soccer player, announced that he had fallen in love with GOLF!
Edwardian images of funnily dressed old men swinging and swearing away as they try to sink a tiny ball into a hole located somewhere in the wilderness, popped up and I practically choked to my death on the lovely Shiraz!
‘But that’s an old man’s game!’ I blurted out, ‘and honey I really, really do enjoy soccer, it’s sooo sweaty and manly’, I tried to reason with him, being very careful not to add the fact that watching 22 muscular hunks in shorts was every red blooded woman’s fantasy. ‘There’s simply no comparison between the two’, I argued, ‘you burn 1000 calories in an hour and get a great body at the end of the game.’
‘True’ he nodded sagely, ‘but, Golf is all about mind and body connection, besides sweetie pie, it’s actually quite a tough sport.’
‘You have gone bonkers!’ I snorted derisively and dismissed his actions as the first signs of male menopause.
But I was in for a complete shocker. Each and everyone and anyone I know, is hitting the fairways with the sole purpose of unleashing the Tiger within… Golf clinics in Pune are doing brisk business, giving a serious heartburn to well established tennis, swimming and football academies. The buzz in sporting circles is - Forget about spending your youth trying to bend it like Beckham in a pot holed football field, or making a splash like the Torpedo with no sponsorship to train you better. Just pick a seven iron to swing your best shot at this million dollar sport that has set the world on fire. A unique sport that embraces all shapes, sizes, ages, gender and best of all, no need to go doping to grab those medals.
Now a word of caution from the experts before you dash out and grab your clubs, all charged up to be the next Tiger Woods.... There are some things every aspiring golfer should know....
Be prepared for the following inexplicable personality changes that take place every time you get on to the greens.
  • You will suddenly morph from a gentle soul who wouldn’t hurt a fly into a foul mouth raging maniac when your best shot lands in up the waters.
  • Within a week, you may even get into a brawl with your best buddy ready to bash him up over a score card error.
  • Your sweet conversations with the love of your life will soon become blow by blow accounts of every putt you played that day.
  • And Saturday evenings will be spent hanging out with the same guys you just finished 18 holes with…
    So what must a suffering golf widow do besides grin and bear it? If you can’t beat them, join them, my gal pals in golf gear advised me.

So there I was, last Sunday, all togged up, ready to take a swing that would make Tiger proud. But alas! The swing that was to break a few records broke someone’s nose instead! With that one stroke, I had thrown my entire game out of bounds and put my husband’s fears of me turning pro to rest…that is, for now....

(DNA Pune, 'Funny Bone Column, Sunday August31,2008)

2 comments:

subhadip majumdar said...

Thanks a lot..basically I also write poetry..just searching avenues for publishing..can you help or provide some link so that I can publish my writings in print?

Anyway I like your 'Tiger in Woods' also..the name as such is tremendously hilarious and so is the blog..what a beautiful way you describe the society in a different outlook!Thanks..looking for more! Subhadip Majumdar

Also if you can go through my 'The Footsteps'piece..thanks

विजय वडनेरे said...

..and who says 'truth is bitter...'?

when i first read this I thought its my wife who's scribing here, 'cause the words were exactly same when i turned my attention from soccer to golf.

after reading your article, i must admit that - truth could be hilarious as well...!! :)