There’s definitely something fishy in Pune’s waters, besides just the left over ganpati idols and sewage. Something far more sinister that’s changed my laid back, beer bellied, cricket obsessed, middle-aged male friends into these uber healthy creatures I don’t recognize any more!
Let’s begin at home.
Of late, my husband has developed a sudden and frightening interest in getting FIT. Of course there’s absolutely no harm in aspiring and perspiring to knocking off those middle-aged pounds, we women do it every festive season. But it’s just the sheer testerone packed intensity of his schedule that makes me break out in a frightened sweat!
Yoga and Karate classes alternate days a week, walks and swimming every evening, add to this freaky fitness regime, the pressure of rising and shining bleary eyed at 5 am six days a week to put in an entire day at the office!
‘This is exactly what happens when men are about to hit menopause’ an older friend let on when I moaned and groaned on the state of my sleep deprived life, ‘and what’s worse, it gets worse’ she added knowingly. ‘Soon after, he will attend an Art of Living Course, go off meat, then alcohol, next, it’s lights out at 9pm, no Seinfeld or Comedy Central…’
My blood ran cold as I flashed back to last night’s passionate golf dinner debate about the benefits of lauki ka juice in losing weight. Was there more pulp to the juice therapy than what I imagined? The next day got progressively worse by the hour...
‘No Carbs after 6’ advised a svelte zero size friend munching on a celery stick.
‘No wine’ added another, tossing out my happy hours.
‘Work out every day, come rain or shine’ panted the third as she revved up the treadmill speed yet another notch.
‘Battle those bulges if you want your man to stick around’ sneered the fourth smirking pointedly at my ample assets.
So what on earth are we going to do if our middle aged men suddenly turn into a six pack Casanovas? That did it!
I gritted my teeth, marched down to the nearest cycle store and got myself the fanciest bike available. There’s no way I’m going to let him outta my sight even for a lauki I vowed, setting the alarm for the unearthly hour...
Now my middle-aged mind is very strong but I can’t say the same about the body, and so all I managed this morning was a half opened eyelid…to see my man still snoring away peacefully. ‘Aren’t you supposed to be at Karate?’ I growled.
‘Nope today is Sunday, I’m trekking today with the boys’ he mutters, and that’s when the coin dropped!
All these alpha males are having an affair…with themselves…rediscovering what it was like when they were not so potbellied, balding and forty years old!
The revelation was such a relief that I not only went back to sleep but actually did that trek with him and came back convinced that male menopause isn’t such a bad thing, provided you keep a 13 gear bike handy to track your rejuvenated man down saddlebags or not...
(DNA Pune, 'Funny Bone Column' Sunday, October 5, 2008)